”This is light,  look at this baby”   says  Prof Damon Killian and picks up the new social distancing necklace for the next year’s up-and-coming pandemic du jour, COVID-23,, ”yet  it contains more advanced electronics and more TNT than  pandemic-2022  necklace. It is so  light and comfortable that  the prisoner..eh citizen barely even notices it”.  Prof Killian leads  a team of 300 Wavelet University researchers combating  the on-going global pandemic which for years has taken a horrible toll on global population. ”Imagine, just last year more than 3 people were hospitalised from COVID-21 variant of the plague.”  Yet Killian is now more hopeful than ever: ”this baby makes it super-duper difficult to break quarantine and social distancing rules.  We need these babies to get  the Great Reset going!”

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbvX3elSaaY[/embedyt]

As the recent rather unfortunate incident is still vividly in the minds of our student body, we take this occasion to remind all freshmen, especially male students, that loitering on the University Grand Master’s Privy Nympharium premises is strictly forbidden. Grand Master’s Janissars are instructed to deal summarily with any man found in this out-of-bounds area. As the University statutes clearly say  regarding this issue

videant Ianissares ne quid res Universitas detrimenti capiat!

Furthermore, this is particularly important now that Nypharium’s procurement of new young interns for 2022 from all four corners of the world has been completed. We all must let the young anciallae feel safe in their new place of employment. Moreover, we find it most unpleasant to bear bad news to the parents of young lads who have not taken our rules and regulations seriously by mistake or malice. We exhort you all to give heed to this warning and let us all make Wave University a safe place to study and work!

Prince Rutiger

A Pompous Fool

Deputy Grand Bursar

Wave University

Yliopiston uuden organisaation karvalakkimallin julkistamistilaisuus sai paljon positiivista   huomioita, kertoo Mirjami Ähkynä, organisaatiouudistuksen projektipäällikkö. Laine-yliopiston oman opiskelijan  Leinikki Napin suunnitteleman karvalakki tulee käyttöön jo 1.4.2022 Tässä lakissa huomioitiin aikaisemman ARVIOINTI2000-arvioinnin yhteydessä kokeillun karvalakkimallin saama usein kriittinenkin palaute ja tehtiin lukuisia muutoksia. Ähkynä lisää, että erityisesti lakin uusi tumma väri ja  miellyttävästä ENSTEX-kankaasta tehty sisävuori ovat saaneet kiitosta. ”Meille tulee paljon sellaisia soittoja, että ’Voi, koska tätä saisi ruveta käyttämään?”” iloitsee Ähkynä.

”En oikein tiedä mitä ajatella näistä opiskelijoiden lopputöistä” kehuu Wave-yliopiston kansleri Laulikki Äpy Nostrajotainmus-ohjelman lopputöiden gaalassa 1.4.2021. Ohjelman johtaja, professori Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumble-meyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm, kehuu erityisesti opiskelijoiden lopputyötä, itsetehtyä moottorikelkkaa, jonka ensiesittely tapahtui gaalassa. ”Nyt kun vielä uskaltaisi kokeilla kelkkaa” toteaa professori Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumble-meyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

It was just a day like any day, for hacker Justin Lieberman, who was tinkering with his Amiga computer, on 18th July, when a malevolent software digitized him and transferred the hacker-celebrity to the game of Space Quest, a Sierra Entertainment classic.  Fearing for his life as he encountered perils programmed in the game,  Lieberman escaped the game by utilizing a known year 2000 bug and  was back in his physical form, unharmed.

-It was certainly a scary experience, but now I can laugh off the little incident, said the cheerful hacker while patting his computer named Holly.

Edgy teens and cool kids no longer deem nano as a sign of cool.

This was the main outcome of Wave University 10 year long research funded by Academy of Svinland. Academy researcher, Dr Herkko Miinusmaa, told that this finding will have a major impact on application writing. ”We can no longer use catchy nano jargon in our applications although in those cases when the application like really is related to the nanotech I think we will have to use nanotech jargon and terminology” dicit Herkkus Miinusmaatus.

Destroyed Laine main building may have been built on ancient Finn burial ground

Recent Liane University internal report on last year’s solstice Dragon Attack, may have been caused by at least four factors, told Dr. Ilmari Miinusmaa

1. students had inadvertently aligned student laboratory power crystals in such a way that the crystals focused karmic energy into the dragon’s lair
2. the newly constructed all steel and glass tower of main building was built on an ancient Finn burial ground and the disturbed spirits exhorted the waking dragon to attack university
3. unknown factor, maybe magic

The readers might remember that the dragon was not destroyed by army helicopters but a team of young Laine university students of the purest of pure hearts, whose goodness and elvish fragility solely caused the dragon to vaporise before their very eyes – it was just that they had to find a single, pure thought and sing this thought in unison. This turned out to be rather difficult, but after some tense moments with the dragon they succeeded.